Two Yooper days, one book, and a lifetime of insecurities.

I’m on my annual fall one-night get-away in which I contemplate all things life while driving and hiking back roads with my trusty D-SLR slung on my shoulder. It is a lot to tackle in 24-hours but it is on these trails where a 3-4 hour hike feels like a lifetime. It is crazy how easy binge watching a season of Gilmore Girls is compared to hiking straight uphill for a mere 15-20 minutes. I digress. I am going to share this one quick snapshot for history/tree buffs. This is from the rotted out inside of a white pine that snapped off about 60 feet in the air. It involved a lot of crawling in mud to get but sort of cool when you think about it.

But, back to the reason I’m popping on here today. The reason I’m writing today is I’ve found if I put something on the internet it happens. So here we go. I wrote a book. And then in the heat of editing, I almost shelved it. Yep. That’s right. I set out to write a book. I finally did. And, while that was my only goal, I’d be lying if many moons ago I thought I’d someday be a best-selling author. I think it was about the time I read my first Danielle Steel novel and contemplated what it’d be like to have millions of folks read my words. It sounded so glamorous and exciting. And since then, I’ve always wondered what. Keep in mind this is the same girl that once thought it’d also be cool to be Mary Lou Retton despite not being able to land a somersault or complete a cartwheel.

Fast forward about 30-years and here we are. This book – It could be worse: A girlfriend’s guide for runners who despise running will not top the NYT chart or frankly any chart. I know that, and frankly given some of the more embarrassing but authentic running accounts I share, I’m a bit mortified to think of what would happen if more than close family and friends read this.

That said, I’m human. Humans like to succeed. They like to feel like what they do matters. It is hard to pen a book and put it out into the universe knowing that best case scenario it will fail by all accounts. Yesterday, on the back roads of the UP, I played over and over all of the insecurities that come with putting yourself out there. How intimidating it is to share something so personal. But even worse, how intimidating to put something out there and have nobody even care.

But here’s the thing. This book is actually all about insecurities. My whole reason for running was to prove to some imaginary people in my head that fat people can in fact run. That just because I have some extra padding, that doesn’t mean I don’t get to choose the life I want. And part of that life is sharing my narrative… for better or worse. (This seriously frightens my husband but here’s the thing, don’t marry a women who chalks up writing as one of her top hobbies if you don’t want your life being on the internet).

So, after talking to myself and an unusually large and fearless doe chomping on some acorns on Brockway Mountain, I’ve talked myself off the ledge. I am plowing full steam ahead. This book will live on Amazon.com in perpetuity, (or until Jeff Bezos decides independent authors aren’t cool enough) and maybe even appear in a few independent book stores. I will share personal insecurities that maybe I don’t want the world to know, but frankly who cares. If this pandemic has taught me nothing else, it is that life is too short to live in regret. That at this point, I’d rather be a failed first-time author than no author at all.

Expect more posts in the coming months about this first time author putting herself out there. You’ll hear about my cover journey which includes the tough (not really) decision to not feature my fat ass on the cover… although I give 100% love and kudos to my designer who suggested the title Running Behind. I’ll share free excerpts, resources that have helped me run, and some very cool essays from some amazing friends who are contributing their words of wisdom to my cause. My only hope is that if you find any nugget of use, you share this with someone else. I hope to have more information about release date in the next month.

All in all, this book is a labor of love. That’s what it should be. A mere opportunity to put myself out there once again in hopes that someone, somewhere might read it and say if she can do it, so can I. Another attempt to give myself some grace so that I don’t miss out on an amazing opportunity to fulfill a lifetime dream. And, because frankly 2020 will not be remembered as the year COVID-19 kicked me on the ass but instead the year I dug deep and kicked back.