Spring Break 2023 landed me on a beach in Gulf Port picking sea shells and consuming plenty of margaritas as I celebrated turning 45. I enjoyed it all. As I resume the day-to-day grind, though, I’m doing my best to hang on to a seashell sunrise moment of clarity.
I recently had a time-space continuum meltdown. If asked why, it’d be easy to blame Wisconsin winters. The endless snowfall and sunless days have made everyone a bit moody. But, the heart of my meltdown was in an attempt to be all things, my alignment was out of whack leaving a shriveled up human who felt she was going crazy.
We’ve all been there. In a rush to clear my calendar for vacation, meet some deadlines, and resolve some unanticipated drama, life had a way of getting out of hand quickly. In a moment of weakness, I said yes too many times and found myself overextended yet unwilling to compromise on things that were important to me. I think in the past, those meaningful things would have fallen by the wayside. This time they didn’t.
A small victory in not losing sight of my goals. But, my inability to say no and my unwillingness to compromise meant some crazy town moments in the Probst household. By the time my feet hit the beach on vacation, it was clear I needed to return from vacation and get back on-track or run the risk of bottoming out. To resume the liberating power of saying no. Easier said than done.
While pondering this dilemma, James Clear’s weekly email hit my inbox with this priceless piece of wisdom.
“Most of us have weak decision-making muscles. We do not realize what it means to make a real decision. We fail to recognize the force of change that a truly congruent, committed decision makes.
The word “decision” comes from Latin roots, with de meaning “down” or “away from” and caedere meaning “to cut.” Therefore, a decision means cutting from any other possibility. A true decision means you are committed to achieving a result and cutting yourself off from any other possibility.
Committed decisions show up in two places: your calendar and your bank account. No matter what you say you value, or even think your priorities are, you have only to look at last year’s calendar and bank account to see the decisions you have made about what you truly value.
See how you have reserved your time. Look at your expenditures. Those are the trails to the decisions you have made.” Author Carole Hildebrand quoted in James Clear’s 3-2-1 Newsletter, March 16
What you truly value shows up in your calendar and bank account. I could not agree more. These decisions matter. I’ve found myself at a crossroads lately trying to align these things. To ensure that I can show up with the time, energy, and finances needed to achieve both my personal and professional goals, given all of the uncontrollable factors that come with life. There is no doubt at this point, time is my biggest currency. The one hardest to borrow on – as there is no guarantee for tomorrow and no lending policy for say 28-hours in a day or getting by with a little less sleep. And, unfortunately, while financially secure, that long-lost friend from India who promised me millions if I just him my bank account hasn’t quite wired me my future fortune yet…
Instead, I am faced with making decisions. Adulting some might say. Ugh. Decisions about all of the distractions that make life interesting, entertaining, and also if I’m being really honest, prevent me from achieving my goals.
What does this have to do with a sea shell? Nothing and everything. Vacations are expensive and time consuming. At times travel is a hassle. But honestly, I wouldn’t trade those moments for anything. Taking Jake to his first NBA game, watching him play football with strangers at Jackson Square before consuming Beignets, eating his first crawfish and swimming with him in the Gulf are only available for a limited time. In a few years, I likely won’t be cool enough to score time on his calendar for any of these things.
It was on this vacation that I grabbed a cup of shells to plop in some pain points of life. In things that I think matter but in the grand scheme don’t. Do I really need to answer these emails before checking out for the day. Is the Netflix documentary a necessity if the alternative is going to bed early so I can write a few pages before work starts? Can multi-taking be limited to watching Tim Riggins while pounding out miles on the treadmill since every piece of research on the planet says our brains are not designed to multi-task and we are in fact scientifically less productive when we think we are doing more this way. Can my default be no or at what cost when a new opportunity comes up at work versus letting my ego get in the way. Can I let go of unrealistic expectations I’ve put on myself and those around me and just accept that perhaps I’m enough. It doesn’t mean I don’t want to maximize my life, but sometimes maximizing moments in life happens by doing less.
That’s a lot of pressure to put on some tattered sea shells scooped up on an abandoned beach in Mississippi. A lot of pressure to get things right. It is all part of the journey. If we don’t try, what’s the point?
So, here’s to another lesson learned. Another trip around the sun. God willing, there will be many more in store for me.
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